The changing dynamic of the relationship? We are sad. We are happy. Depending on our emotional outlook, the world may look grim and bleak. Or fulfilling and bright…

Having said that..

Being made to feel like a “guest” in a house can really wear you down too I guess.

The fundamental issue here is the day to day “grind” of the relationship where both people eventually “take issue” with persceived “infractions” of territory or feelings.

How Committed?

Depending on how really committed each person is to the relationship will determine the length of time they will “run the course” or “see it through”. Because I think we all know by now that circumstances change over time. Unfortunately It seems that most issues revolve around cash.. Or the lack of it.

I have this issue as well in my current relationship. But to be honest. It seems to me that I have always had this issue in my life. No matter how much money I have earned over time. I have always lived “on edge”. (Perhaps thats the “Danger Mouse” coming out in me?..All of us?)

Heal Thyself?

One of the best things I ever did for myself was to take one of those “Myer Briggs Personality Tests”. After reading the disclaimers about having the results “explained” to you by a “trained professional”. I set out to read as much as I could on the subject and compare what I found. In this way I was able to “understand” the personality “type” I had been allocated.

One of the Free Myers Briggs Tests

I undertook quite a few different “Myers Briggs” type of tests on the net. All of them returned the same “type”. When I read the definition of my “type” I can totally and utterly relate to it. The suggestions on how to “improve” my “type” particularly annoy me. Because they are the very things that I have “issues” with. :(

I would recomend that everyone takes some of these free “tests” to determine your personality “type”. Sit down and really read and understand what “type” you and your partner are. Understand what “triggers” you and your partners insecuritys.

These tests could be used as a double edged sword depending on the kind of personalities your dealing with. Basically, the information could be used for good or evil.

One INFP says..

As a personality type “INFP” I would always suggest re-igniting the “lurve spark” back into your life. But thats probably just a male thing.. (You know how it is..) To most males.. Sex and intimacy seems to cure most minor (major?) infractions.

But without the intimacy. (Or after a few days of curt conversation) As an INFP I will internalise the anguish to the point of “giving up” on the relationship. Whereupon I eventually explode into an irrational outpouring of pure emotion. (It kinda sux to be an INFP btw)

But.. The personality tests helped me to understand “why” I feel this way. The understanding of it has allowed me to control my emotions “better”.

Relationships: Past and Present

My parents stayed together all of my life. At 52 I now understand what a monumental feat that was. Maybe they were well suited to each other. Maybe they never let the “spark of lurve” die. I really dont know the answer to that.

In 2010 the internet has made it very easy to “pick and choose” from literally thousands of people who are alone and lonely. It is too easy to “find lurve” in 2010. My parents believed they had found something “special” and so they nurtured it and never let it die. They trusted each other with everything. They never let each other down enough to “break” the bond.

Sometimes we find ourselves in situations that we find unworkable. This is where you must sit down and vocalise exactly what is annoying you. Try to remain calm. But be relentless. If the situation is indeed unworkable. Then something must change. Or you will just go back to the same and the grudge will just get bigger and bigger.

But remember…

The grass is rarely greener on the other side. Rather the devil that you know than the demon that you dont. Dont jump out of the fyingpan and into the fire. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. etc etc etc

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